|
|
my boyfriend cheated on me with my bestfriend of 4 years
|
Submitted by s3xiluv3r
|
My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years cheated on me with my best friend of 4 years. He slept with her and then he dumped me for her. Me and her have stopped being friends and we haven't spoken since, but in a twist the day they got together that night she cheated on him with his best friend, but me and him still talk. I forgave him for cheating on me cuz he has proven to me i can trust him again so im concedering giving him a second chance because i feel so strongly for him.
|
|
COMMENTS
|
|
If she was your real friend then she would not have done that. She is a loser and so is he, I would say "to hell with both of them". I hope he had fun with that little biotch, because she was probably a hoe anyway. And obviously she was because she f**ked her own best friend over.
|
|
|
|
I have always had a hard time with understanding this. You have a RELATIONSHIP, which means that there is responsibility to it, above and beyond immediate urges, or momentary satisfaction. If things aren't going well, you work them out -- or end the relationship. You can't have it both ways. This cuts for you too girls, like the country music song says "Girls Lie Too." Boy, do we ever! We are just different from Men. They are different from us.
How can you even *think* of trusting him again? Once trust is broken, it's broken.
This is not sitcom TV, it's real life.
People do not change. Well, rarely. Sometimes they do learn their lesson, but 9999 out of 1000 (yep, I know what I typed) they don't. Ever.
A FRIEND would not have betrayed you. Period. She's NOT a friend, and never was. Nor will be.
Your boyfriend, was not, is not, in love with you, and doesn't respect you (even more important) and never will.
I find this to be so common, pathetic and every where in our society. And it's not new. When I was a teen, I listened to my friends talking about "going with" or "getting back" some guy (or girl), and I wondered "WHY????? What's wrong with YOU!!!"
They were jealous of him talking to someone, or not being home when they called.
If you have something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. It's not cliche. It's not trite. It's very, very true.
(young) Guys (especially) try to "possess" girls. They get angry and jealous of other guys. You've seen it in real life and in TV and the movies. It's PATHETIC.
What's even MORE pathetic, though, is the girls who try to be cat-like, or act like a bitch in heat, and "steal" their best friends boys. Having a nice friendly after hours nail party, then going out and being the "other woman."
Been there (on the receiving end).
Boys can be weak. They can give in to temptation. Everyone can. The thing that stops them, or should stop them (or you) is the RELATIONSHIP. Respect for them. Their feelings. All too often, there is none of that -- and there really never was. The "relationship" was just a set of words, not real, binding, or tangible to hold on to.
But, if they are taken back, they learn they can get away with it. With you, with the next person. And never learn what a relationship is.
If this happens to you, cut them OFF. Say good bye. Tell them you love them, but can't trust them, and you can't ever, ever live a life like that.
Walk away, and try again. Hope they learn from it. But there is no going back. If you do, you just set up the situation to happen again.
I used strong words here, because I have daughters, and I hope they have learned to not only not play these games, but to know when someone is playing the game on them.
I have no sympathy for ANYONE who makes a decision to cheat, beit willfully, or under the influence (that was a choice too).
What I have learned, as a young girl, and as a woman, is that most women have trouble BEING friends. They don't know what it is to be a friend, just like they don't know what it is to be a girlfriend, wife or mother. (strong words?? yes, but the statistics back up up.)
It's a commitment. It's HARD. The tough times always out number and out weight the good times. But, it's the final analysis that means everything. When you look back, do you have regrets? Would you be anywhere but "next to him, being next to you?"
Have you lived your life wondering if he's not home on time where he is? Or, if you go out, what he's going to do or say when you get back?
Do you trust each other -- REALLY TRUST each other?
A little jealousy and hurt feelings are normal. We are human, but in the end, if you really do trust, and know you can go out, or let him go out, and you don't have to "watch" each other all the time, you have something.
If you have to wonder at all, what he's doing, or what he's going to say, there is a problem.
And, it flips both ways. It's not only the guys who have the problems. Most of my friends divorces in the early years were the woman cheating on the guy (or causing the problem). Lately, as I hit 40ish something, it seems to be going the other way. Mid life crisis??? Who knows.
But the point is RELATIONSHIPS are TWO WAY. (Or Three way, if that's your thing) but they are NEVER, EVER ONE WAY.
You can never do all the forgiving. You can never do all the understanding. You can never do all the working. It has to be MUTUAL.
This got really long winded, I guess it touched a nerve. I read it over, and see I switched tenses, and sexes a few times. But, I have seen it cut both ways. My girlfriends have not always been the "victims". Sometimes they have been the victimizer -- and sometimes damn proud of it! One destroyed a good couple, that was dear to me, and I still hurt over that one.
Some have tried to hit on my guy. If he ever gave in, he was no longer my guy -- and never really was. She was not my friend, and isn't any longer.
I have a comfortable relationship now, with more emotional (and physical) freedom than I have known. No jealously, we know who and where we are. Is it perfect? No. Are we perfect together, No. But, on the big things, we are compatible, and we compromise constantly on the little ones. I worry when he's late something happened. He worries when I'm late. But "cheating" never even crosses our minds. It's actually one of the few things we NEVER fight about. I'm not blind, nor is he. We just know what's important to us, and minute of pleasure or sex, is not worth the lifetime of regret that will inevitably follow. That keeps us both in line -- and comfortable, and secure.
THAT is a RELATIONSHIP. We work hard at it.
Trust, respect, friendship, love. Perhaps in that order. Love, alone, is simply not enough, and is possibly the LEAST important of any of the things that do make up a good, healthy relationship.
|
|
|
|
girl you don't need him ... don't give him a second chance...once a cheater always a cheater...don't trust him...
|
|
|
|
Have Your Own Opinion?
|
|
